Well, Things Are Not Working Out Like I Had Hoped...
I have said this more than a few times the last ten years. Usually, within the first year of my relationships, the wheels would inevitably start to fall off. My friends would always ask me at get-togethers about my new marriage, how things were going, and if I was happy.
For a while, I would smile and say, "Everything is fantastic! Couldn't be any better!" Then quickly change the subject for whatever reason I really didn't understand at the time. I think I must have known things were not working out as I had hoped and honestly, just didn't want to talk about it.
Recently I have been getting that same question a lot about how things are going now that Greg and I are back together. It has been two years and with my track record (besides him) I would most of the time be divorced already, or at least in the process. It is sad and embarrassing all at the same time.
I can see in my friends and family's eyes when they ask, probably waiting for me to say, "Well, that was a bad idea!" or "What was I thinking?!" The truth is, everything IS fantastic and could not be better! When people ask me how things are going, I find myself trying too hard to explain how happy I am for fear I might sound like I am faking my happiness as I did in the past. Then, I just end up sounding like I am faking my happiness!
Another friend asked me recently me, "How did you guys get through everything from the past, and how do you trust again?" For me, there is not one answer to that question and might be different for other couples that worked through similar situations. Are there other couples like us out there? We need to have dinner and compare notes.
So I thought I would share what has worked for us, in what statistically never should have. Even now, sometimes we will stop and smile at how we did it. How we came back from so much pain and hurt as if time never past, and are better than we have ever been. Here is what I believe worked for us.
1. From our hearts, we both apologized for our mistakes. We both made them and talked at great lengths about them before we decided to do this again. We both chose forgiveness in giving it and receiving it. Is it that simple? It sure can be if you both desire it!
2. We are not allowed to bring up the past if we can avoid it. It is the past and there is absolutely nothing good about bringing up topics that you can do nothing about or change. This was a tough one for me especially after a few glasses of wine and a very active mind!
3. TIME! Yes, time does heal all wounds and can mend a broken heart. While things will never be forgotten, we don't let it define who we are now. We are both very different people after 10 years apart, but our hearts remained the same, and our hearts were always meant for each other. It just took time and lots of it, to realize that we needed to do something about it.
4. We hold hands whenever possible. Say and do nice things for each other, and do not put ourselves in positions that could possibly hurt the other. No more staying out late with the girls, phones are no longer secret keepers, and we communicate if we need to get something off our chest. It is that easy, and really is the simple recipe for any successful marriage.
I have wondered how many couples end up getting remarried to each other after divorce? I would guess 90% want nothing to do with their ex-spouses just from asking around. But I am always happy to hear when people have told me their own parents or people they know got back together. It shows me how strong TRUE love can really be, and all that it can endure.
Not that I would EVER recommend this trick to people because way too many other lives were affected to get to this point, but for Greg and I, it was a beautiful miracle. He was the best choice I ever made over 25 years ago, and the second best two years ago. Everything ended up working exactly how I had hoped.